Friday, March 7, 2008

Day 2: Staying Committed's hard to follow through sometimes. As much as you intend to, sometimes things just happen. This time I want to make it through past the place that I was before. Past the complacency, past the hurt, past the place where I stopped last time. I know that it's going to take time but does anyone else want it all now. Does anyone else want to experience the success now, the love now, the happiness now, the joy now? Does anyone else want to be fulfilled? Knowing that that place in their heart, soul, body, has been filled. I want that. Sometimes I feel like I have that, but truthfully, those times are far and few between, to say the least. I know who God created me to be, but why can't I just BE? Why are all the false personas still hanging around? Why won't I just let them die and fall off of me. Maybe because I like it, not consciously but beneath the surface I love the Mask. It's my idol. It's my protection from the world because if they don't see who I really am then they can never hurt me. What they say doesn't hurt or even what they do because they are speaking to someone I've created. I've pretended so long, I don't even know if I can be my true self.

The woman that is comfortable in jeans, likes--no loves to dress up for special occasions with the fresh hair style, nails done, jewelry, make-up--the works. The woman who loves to minister and pray. The woman who loves to daydream and zone out from time to time. The woman who loves to dance, with herself, her friends, and strangers. The woman who needs God but often runs when He shows himself strong on her behalf. The woman who loves to write...just anything she's feeling. The woman who's changing and growing. The woman who makes mistakes. The woman who smiles so big, it hides her eyes. The woman who wants to be genuine with everyone she meets. The woman who dreams big and always hopes for the best. The woman that God created me to be.

I guess I need to just stay true to myself. I need to make sure that I am honest in all things and prayerful in everything. I need to be, just be.

So for today and tomorrow, there are goals that I want to accomplish but if I don't it's okay. I think it was William Shakespeare who wrote "To thine ownself be true" but I think it's best said. "To thine own God be true" because if you are true to him then he'll be true to you...well he's always true, HE's God...ya know. But I think you get the jist.

Have a great day!!!

I love you all!

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