Tuesday, September 30, 2008


We need to fight for what we want and that may not look like what we think fighting looks like. We may have to submit in order to fight. We may have to be quiet in order to fight. We may have to sit in order to fight. I think about past relationships and friendships and how sometimes we had to fight in order to grow. It was in our disagreements that we actually grew closer. We needed to communicate but didn't know how and it took some tension to build up between us in order to actually express ourselves so that we could get past this stagnant place that had become so normal and comfortable. Today I feel like God is encouraging us to fight. Fight for what we believe in. Fight for those we love. Fight.

Fight (when used as a verb with no object) means to engage in battle, or in a single combat, attempt to defend oneself against or to subdue, defeat, or destroy an adversary.

Who is your adversary? Who's been fighting you?

Hmmm when I think about engaging in battle it makes me think of all the times I have avoided controversy because I didn't want to stand out or be different or because I wanted to just blend in. I don't think God is calling us to blend in. I think he is calling us to separate ourselves. I think that God is calling us to be set apart.

Whatever it is that God has called you to do or to separate yourself from, PLEASE DO THAT. However know that you're going to have to fight. Don't run from the battle. Perfect Love casts out fear, right? Then let's not be afraid. We are soooooo dangerous. We have power. People are waiting on us.

Can you encourage someone today? Can you step outside of yourself? Can you stop worrying about your empty gas tank, didn't you make it to work or school? Someone else didn't make it their destination. Someone else didn't wake up. Someone else is depressed, can you go tell them about the truth that lives in you. Man we know all this. I'm not saying nothing new because there ain't nothing new under the sun.

Can you give thanks to God? Thank HIM.

Man we got to fight to pray, fight to praise, fight to thank, fight to love, fight for everything that is important to us. God is giving us grace so let's give it to someone else today. Let's love someone. Let's do the report ahead of the due date just to make some one else's job easier. Let's treat someone just because. Man let's go against the grain not for the heck of it or even our sake but for HIS Name sake!

Can I tell you something?

We win this fight!

Alright that's it for now...just wanted to encourage you the way God did me this morning. Man I needed it to. Because lowkey, I had in my mind that I'm a lover not a fight but lowkey God has called us to be both. Is HE not the lion and the lamb? Precious and Mighty. Man....ya'll don't even know...lol...alright. Have a good day!

I love you all!

Amber Rhodes

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Writing to free myself. I'm writing to breathe. Writing to live. Writing to adventure. Writing to relax. I'm writing to let go of all the things that are holding me back. I'm writing to escape the pain that is often felt in my heart. I am writing to inspire those who don't even know that they are gifted. I am writing because to some degree that's all I know how to do. I am writing because it makes me feel better. It makes me smile. It helps me understand my life and this crazy world that I live in. I am so thankful for this ability.

At times it seems like a curse. My mind is filled with so many random things, things I want to share. Things I want to hide. Things I want to hold on tight to and never let go. But for some reason I gotta let it all go. I can't hold on to it any longer. The pressure that's been building up inside of me and is going to explode. How can I contain the wonderful gift that God has given me. It's so much greater and bigger than anything I have ever imagined. Looking back I can see it was always there lurking in the back. Not like a scary monster or anything but for the most part it was there watching me.

The crazy thing is, I never saw it. I think my mom was the first to see it. She'd pay close attention to my school work and lessons and ever so often making comments about my spelling and always pushing me to grow, learn and expand. I'll admit I didn't care at first I couldn't see it but she could. Then there were teachers in high school who always told me to continue with it. They could see it too. They could see it following me around where ever I would go. It didn't make sense but now it does or at least it's starting to.

It's amazing that what you think is just normal about you or ordinary is really extraordinary and by that I don't mean extra ordinary but far greater than anything you could have imagined or envisioned for yourself. What you thought would kill you would only make you stronger and what seems to be pressing you down is only building you up. God has a way that's mighty sweet and now that I'm done trying I'm actually just cool with being.

Until next time...

Monday, September 22, 2008


So I was having lunch with a good friend of mine yesterday and we were talking about our struggles and weaknesses and I shared with her my fear of being successful. I know to some of you that might sound really weird like why are you afraid of succeeding? Why are you afraid to be all that you can be? Why are you afraid that you might accomplish something in life? Well my friend was telling me that she has another friend who has the same fear. She said this friend gets physically sick whenever they think about being successful. Wow the thought that your fear could make you sick, that's deep. Anyways, she asked me what is it that scares me and at first I didn't know. I sat blank for a second and the only thing that I could come up with was that I might do good. LOL. Wow I'm afraid of trying because I might do well, or maybe it's because I might do well or try hard and not even come close to hitting the mark. Maybe that's it. Aha...maybe I am afraid of trying and not succeeding so when I envision success it's of me not obtaining it it's of me losing it.

Man I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. I mean I want to be successful. I want to achieve my dreams and fulfill God's will but I'll be honest I am afraid. I'm afraid to step out on faith and try to do God's will. Partially because I know it's going to be hard work. I am not against working. I guess since my dreams and desires are so great the work load seems to be overwhelming right now. Hmmmm What are you afraid of and why?

Some scriptures that I am using to help me,

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.

Psalm 46:2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

Psalm 49:5 Why should I fear when evil days come, when wicked deceivers surround me-

Psalm 61:5 For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

I think God is saying it is ok to be fearful and doubt but do not stay in that place. Take that emotion or feeling and turn it into something else. Turn that terrifying fear into a fear or reverence for and of God. Take assurance that the Lord has heard your petition and know that He is listening and moving. He has a plan and in His he does the actions necessary to get you to your destiny. So I don't know about whoever is reading this blog but I know that me personally. I know that I need to fear God and obey Him. I need to love Him and respect Him. I need to seek to do His will above my own. I don't know about you but fear cannot paralyze me I need to use it as a catalyst and as confirmation. I should do more work to prove my faith is actually living. So let's rise up against fear. I ain't afraid of no fear...lol...no but seriously why fear FEAR when you can fear God? Think about it...no stop...and think about it. Why fear fear? I'll fear God. That's way easier and less confusing...I'm not sitting around like...fear...hmmm..aahhh...it's intangible.

God is the almighty and full of power. He gives me power not fear. I serve God, not fear. Alright Success here I come!

Friday, September 19, 2008


What's up with Thursdays? I personally think that Thursday is the new Friday. No offense to Friday but by the time you roll around everyone is so tired from the school or work week depending on what you have going on, Fridays just aren't what they used to be. However since Thursday is here just 1 day earlier then he gets more attention and excitement. Making it harder for you to do something on Friday because you are tired from Thursday and now looking forward to hanging out or doing something special on Saturday. Maybe since I live in a college town and all of my roommates are still in college it just seems that way.

My transition from college into the workforce has been a slow one. Since I live like 5 minutes walking distance from my Alma Mater it's like I never left. Plus the church I go to is filled with college students. Which is not a bad thing, please don't misinterpret what I am writing. I guess I am just searching for my identity in the big world. More or Less the world, mostly just looking to God, like how do I fit in this big ol puzzle? I know there is something on the inside of me but how do I get what is on the inside of me, out to the rest of the world. I know I was created for greatness but was I really created for greatness?

I'm working on this poem that I want to share at 1st Fridays, an open mic kind of expressions night which people seek to display their talent and glorify God with their gifts and the poem has been so hard to write. I say that because for one it has been literally so hard to write. I've been trying to organize what and how I want to phrase things and thinking about how I will emphasize certain parts of the piece and it's hard ya'll. To summarize it in a nutshell. I never knew who I was...lol...I'm thinking about all those movies where it's at this super dramatic point and the main character is crying and they're like..."I never knew my father"...lol...not trying to poke fun but I feel like I'm like I'm saying to myself "I never knew myself". Lol...that's soooo how I feel right now like I never knew me at all. I am worth so much more than I give myself credit for being. I am precious and I am beautiful so that's just a lil bit of what I keep to myself or maybe even hide of myself.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

BB 10 [Big Brother 10]

Dan is the Man! If you didn't know well now you do. This is my new show. Along with Fringe and The Hills. I'm just sooooooo juiced right now. I'm sooooo happy for Dan, he got money for being America's Player for one week plus he won the $500,000. Memphis didn't do too bad either, he won a car plus $50,000 and Keesha got $25,000 too. Let's not forget April and Jerry and their lil bit of cash and of course Libra and the infamous Hawaiian Vacation she snatched from Michelle. Go Libra...lol...Anyways this was such a good season. I lowkey like reality tv. For a lil bit I will admit I thought that it should just dissappear altogether but this show has rekindled my love affair with reality television. It is offical...well at least for now. Today was a great day. I will share some more thoughts on my mind tomorrow. I just wanted to stop through and let the blogspot followers know that I was here today just didn't drop anything. Well it's off to midweek service. Good night folks!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This is ridiculous!


Ok so a good friend of mine put me on about Junior Senior and I like them. I can't front at first I was like what the heck? Who are these guys. But I love their sound. Cool beats, catchy lyrics and just plain ol good fun. So take a listen...

I'm a Christian, so what does that mean?

I'll tell you what it does not mean. It doesn't mean that I think I'm better than you or because you are different than me that I hate you. I love you, yes you who I don't even know. What it does mean is that I challenge myself to live a lifestyle that will please God. Yes you guessed it. I love Jesus Christ. I read the bible. I pray. I go to church regularly and I believe that Jesus is coming back just like he said he would. Am I trying to pressure you to serve and believe in the God I believe in so that you can be "brainwashed" like me...notice the quotes this is sarcasm. First of all I don't need to prove that God exists, He just does. My prayer is that He would reveal himself to you so that you may know for yourself, yes so that the truth that I love and embrace might transform your life and so that you might seek to do the Father's will. Yes I want you to believe what I believe but not so I can prove that I am right or belittle you or so you can be apart of a cult. Dude my life is great but I can't keep this goodness on the inside of me. I want to share it. My passion is for people. My passion is to see people truly turn to God and repent of their sins (which not everyone wants to do because you first have to acknowledge that you sin, meaning you fail, you fall, and are essentially not perfect or even worse not that super good person you think you are). Following God is not easy but its rewards are great. God has truly smiled on me, no literally he smiled on me when I was born and for years...19 to be exact...I ignored him. Anyways that's a novel in and of itself. However my point is that I love Jesus Christ. So If Jesus Christ loves you and I love Jesus Christ then I must love you the same way Christ did and if I don't then check me on it. For real but don't assume I'm one way without even knowing me.

Anyways I don't want to end on a sour note. I'm just sharing this because it's on my heart. Some one out there thinks this, it may not be about me it may be about their mother who they feel puts the church over their family or their daughter who is involved in campus ministry or maybe it's a best friend you grew up with who's life has gone a different direction because of their devotion to Christ. Anywho I don't know but God does.

I didn't know

So when I started this blog I had no idea what I was starting. I thought that this was going to be just a small something that I did just to get some things off my chest or to clear my head and maybe bless someone. However God has totally blown my mind with this blog. The title behind the blog is "Freeing Myself" and it all came out of this prison that I held my self captive in mentally, financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc, etc, and etc. I could go on and with all the ways that I kept myself from truly being free. I was just telling someone last night that when I was 18 and in college I had this pressing fear that if I didn't go to bed at a certain time or do my homework or do the dishes and clean the bathroom or went to a party knowing I had class the next morning that I truly thought my parents were going to show up out of nowhere and at that time they lived in Las Vegas so that definitely wasn't happening but some reason I made myself believe that and it prevented me from truly enjoying myself because in the back of my mind I still felt like a kid. Now in all seriousness yes I was still a child in many ways but to the good ol US of A I was an adult. Eligible for military service, jury duty, tax responsibility, and so on. I say all of this to say that to say that this blog was prophetic in its declaration. I needed to free myself from some things in March 2008 when I started this and now September 2008 I am just coming out of some of those things and others I am still struggling with but I am happy that I am learning and growing and truly learning how to be free the way that God has called to be free. Free from fear and embracing love and adventure and the marvelous journey that God has for me.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Fabrication in my mind!

Fab·ri·cate (fāb'rĭ-kāt') Pronunciation Key
tr.v. fab·ri·cat·ed, fab·ri·cat·ing, fab·ri·cates

1. To make; create.
2. To construct by combining or assembling diverse, typically standardized parts: fabricate small boats.
3. To concoct in order to deceive: fabricated an excuse.

fab·ri·ca·tion /ˌfæbrɪˈkeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fab-ri-key-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
1. the act or process of fabricating; manufacture.
2. something fabricated, esp. an untruthful statement: His account of the robbery is a complete fabrication.

So I'm completely guilty of fabrication. For years I have created these elaborate stories and ideas in mind. Some close to the truth and some so far off that it should just be a sin to think what I thought. Wait a minute lying is a sin, even when it's to yourself. I guess I didn't see it that way. I think I even subconsciously thought I was being honest with myself. Somewhere deep down inside I thought I was a good person. I thought I was spending my money wisely. I thought I knew everything. However the more and more that I live and step outside of my comfort zone, the more and more that I realize that I don't know everything the more I realize I know absolutely nothing at all. I think that today in America at least with all our research and market tracings that we somehow think we can just follow the trend and predict what's coming next. However the past is not an indicator of future success. Just because something worked back then doesn't mean it's going to work now. So what does that mean for you? I don't know. What it means to me is that I need to get off my rusty dusty and live like I've never lived before. It means that if I want this change that I talk about so much then I should probably do something to achieve it. That means it's going to take sacrifice. I will have to sacrifice my money, my time, my life, and a lot more of what I don't want to. However the consequences of not sacrificing are going to be more severe than actually sacrificing.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

All Alone

Have you ever just felt all alone? Right now that's how I feel. I didn't think things could turn out like this but they have. My mind is swarming right now. I'm in so deep that I can't even breathe. I feel like my enemies have conquered me. I feel like I'm left in the desert to die.