Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Writing

Writing to free myself. I'm writing to breathe. Writing to live. Writing to adventure. Writing to relax. I'm writing to let go of all the things that are holding me back. I'm writing to escape the pain that is often felt in my heart. I am writing to inspire those who don't even know that they are gifted. I am writing because to some degree that's all I know how to do. I am writing because it makes me feel better. It makes me smile. It helps me understand my life and this crazy world that I live in. I am so thankful for this ability.

At times it seems like a curse. My mind is filled with so many random things, things I want to share. Things I want to hide. Things I want to hold on tight to and never let go. But for some reason I gotta let it all go. I can't hold on to it any longer. The pressure that's been building up inside of me and is going to explode. How can I contain the wonderful gift that God has given me. It's so much greater and bigger than anything I have ever imagined. Looking back I can see it was always there lurking in the back. Not like a scary monster or anything but for the most part it was there watching me.

The crazy thing is, I never saw it. I think my mom was the first to see it. She'd pay close attention to my school work and lessons and ever so often making comments about my spelling and always pushing me to grow, learn and expand. I'll admit I didn't care at first I couldn't see it but she could. Then there were teachers in high school who always told me to continue with it. They could see it too. They could see it following me around where ever I would go. It didn't make sense but now it does or at least it's starting to.

It's amazing that what you think is just normal about you or ordinary is really extraordinary and by that I don't mean extra ordinary but far greater than anything you could have imagined or envisioned for yourself. What you thought would kill you would only make you stronger and what seems to be pressing you down is only building you up. God has a way that's mighty sweet and now that I'm done trying I'm actually just cool with being.

Until next time...